BAR MITZVAH: Son of the commandment

BAT MITZVAH: Daughter of the commandment

B’NAI MITZVAH: The Hebrew plural of Bar/Bat or B’Mitzvah.

B’MITZVAH: This serves as an inclusive abbreviation that alludes to the gender-specific terms above, but reflects our respect for the need to continually refine our language, so that all people feel seen and embraced by their Jewish community.

The formal celebration of Bar Mitzvah is recent in Jewish history, dating back only five centuries (the first Bat Mitzvah did not happen until 1922). To show a community that a young man was now legally of age, he would be called to recite the blessing before and after the reading of the Torah, a mitzvah and privilege reserved for those 13 and older. Over time, the ceremony was expanded to include the reading of the Torah and the Haftarah, which is an additional reading from the Prophets, chosen by the rabbis to amplify a theme found in the Torah reading or related to the time of year. Leading the worship prior to the Torah service also became tradition. Because certain Hebrew and liturgical skills were required for all of this, the connection between Bar Mitzvah and Jewish education arose.

Today it is the Jewish education, rather than simply reaching the age of majority, which we value.

A young person becomes Bar/ Bat/B'Mitzvah on their 13th birthday; no ceremony is needed to confer adulthood.

Jewish law does not require young children to follow the commandments, though they are certainly encouraged to do so. But, at the age of 13, children become obligated to fulfill the mitzvot.

As you will hear our rabbis say many times, B’Mitzvah is not an event. You don’t have a B’Mitzvah. It is a change in status. You become a B’Mitzvah.

A young person automatically becomes B’Mitzvah on their 13th birthday; no ceremony is needed for this change of status.

In the secular world, one is not considered to be an adult until 18 or 21, but Jewish law is different. In Jewish life, B'Mitzvah can count in a minyan (the minimum number needed for some religious practices), form binding contracts, and can serve as a witness in religious courts. They have reached their Jewish legal “majority.” (Marriage still awaits at 18, and career at 20.)

Bar or Bat Mitzvah is not the endpoint of Jewish Education. We are all obligated to continue the study of Torah and the fulfillment of righteous deeds throughout our lives. B’nai Mitzvah celebrate their change in status and honor their new responsibility not only on the day of their ceremony but through ongoing commitments to our tradition and community.

In our congregation, there are several requirements for all B’nai Mitzvah. The child must:

• Be 13 years or older (regardless of gender).

• Complete at least four full years of Religious School education including family programming.

• Attend six Friday night and two Saturday morning services with a parent at BHS in the year prior to the ceremony.

• Finish their 7th grade year of studies with good attendance.

The Brooklyn Heights Synagogue reserves the right to postpone the ceremony if these requirements are not met.

Another part of the B’Mitzvah requirement at BHS is your child’s committing to and fulfilling a Mitzvah Project.

The Mitzvah Project is extremely flexible but should take at least 12 hours to complete including prep time. A student’s project may fall into the category of either service hours, collecting items, or fundraising for an organization. The project does not need to be tied to a theme in the child’s Torah portion but should be related to a mitzvah (commandment) or Jewish text meaningful to the pre-teen. Ideally, the project should be completed prior to the ceremony and will be shared aloud as part of your child’s D’var Torah (B’Mitzvah speech). If your child already has a community service requirement at their secular school, that service project may count toward their Mitzvah Project requirement.

Rabbi Romano will discuss potential projects and distribute a list of inspiration, ideas and resources at the Family Meeting in spring of the 6th grade year. Students are asked to write up and submit a Mitzvah Project Proposal, signed by a parent. E-mail Rabbi Romano with any questions you have regarding your child's B'Mitzvah project.

B’Mitzvahs may consider making a commitment to the BHS Homeless Shelter by cooking and serving dinner or sleeping over on several occasions throughout the winter. 13-year-olds are welcome to stay over with a parent; this can be an especially rewarding way to celebrate a child’s moral coming-of-age.

We encourage you to consider this an opportunity your child will always remember in connection to their B’Mitzvah.

All of our B’Mitzvah Family Education Programs are designed for preteens and their parents (or other guardians) to help our families enjoy the spiritual, intellectual, and developmental journey of the B’Mitzvah ceremony and celebration. Our programs are based on curriculum developed by Moving Traditions to best address the social and emotional learning of students and families. Each program builds on the next and offers parents and children the opportunity to learn together, to listen to one another’s perspectives, and to enrich the meaning of B’Mitzvah as a lifecycle ritual for the whole family. These programs are required in addition to the training our students receive in their Religious School years and via one-on-one tutoring as their B'Mitzvah dates approach.

4th Grade Family Program: What is B’Mitzvah? 

This is the first formal moment for our B’Mitzvah families to gather and learn together. During this session families get to know each other, learn some B’Mitzvah basics, and gain a sense of what their child’s service and preparation will entail. The session culminates in the sanctuary where groups of families enjoy a special moment with the Torah, celebrating the official beginning of their child’s B’Mitzvah journey. 

5th Grade Families: Where am I in the story?

This session helps participants understand that Torah, as the story of the Jewish people, continues to unfold as each generation adds their own voices and experiences. Students and families will learn about their assigned Torah portion (parasha), their responsibilities in the Torah service, and explore their relationship with learning Torah. Parents will relate Jewish stories (broadly imagined) that are important to them to impart to their children. The session concludes with each family having a special moment with the Torah including an opportunity for each child to “chant” the Shema, celebrating adding their voice and their family’s story to the words written on the scroll. 

6th Grade Families:  Why Have a B’Mitzvah? 

B’nai Mitzvah Family Meeting & Dinner with Clergy and Membership Director (Fall/Winter) 

Maybe you went through it yourself as a child, or maybe this is your first experience with the studying and planning involved. But what is becoming a bar or bat mitzvah really about, on a deeper level? What does it really mean in Jewish tradition? What does it mean for us as parents? As pre-teens? How can we help make this a meaningful time? During this session we’ll explore big questions about Jewish identity and the reasons parents and pre-teens have for choosing to celebrate this change in status. Our time will also include a meeting with Rabbi Lippe, Cantor Porzecanski, and our Membership Director Lisa Kopel who will introduce us to the stages of planning and instruction for our youngsters and ourselves as we prepare for their ceremonies and celebrations.

6th Grade: What is a Mitzvah? (Spring)

In this session, participants will make a connection between the B’Mitzvah ceremony, "mitzvah" projects, and the world of interpersonal mitzvot. Pre-teens and parents will explore the differences between Chesed (Kindness), Tzedakah (Righteous Giving), and Tzedek (Justice). 6th Grade parents and students will then work together to brainstorm possible mitzvah projects considering what aspects of Tikkun Olam, repairing the world, are most meaningful to them. Current 7th graders will present some of their mitzvah projects to the upcoming B’Mitzvah class and offer some of their reflections on their process. Families will conclude their time together by participating in a service project with Repair the World-Brooklyn. 

7th Grade: Shabbaton (Fall) 

7th Grade families attend a special Shabbat morning service where families learn the ins and outs of B’Mitzvah services at BHS. Rabbi Lippe, Rabbi Romano, and Cantor Porzecanski will walk families through each element of the service giving all of the students and a number of adults who attend a prayer part (students) or "honor" (for adults). Younger/older siblings and grandparents are also welcome. The Shabbaton concludes with lunch and blessings in our 2nd Floor Event Space (set up as we do for B’nai Mitzvah celebrations).

7th Grade: B’Mitzvah and Beyond! (Fall) 

Families gather for their final B’Mitzvah family program as a cohort. This program will help pre-teens and families explore the Jewish values of welcoming guests (Hachnasat Orchim) and offering gratitude (Hakarat Hatov) and come up with practical strategies for putting these values into practice on the day of the ceremony and celebration and in the days that follow. Teens and parents will then take time to reflect separately and together on what it means to live a Jewish life after their B’Mitzvah service and celebration. B’Mitzvah students will meet with teens (and some of their parents) who have stayed engaged at BHS and in Jewish life more broadly through Hebrew High, Teen Trips, being a part of our Madrichim Program, volunteering, other Jewish teen programs, and BHGSY (Brooklyn Heights Group of Synagogue Youth).

Friday Night Service Responsibilities

• The B’Mitzvah and their family are invited to light the Shabbat candles in front of the congregation at the beginning of the service.

• The B’Mitzvah is invited to the bimah in the middle of the service to chant the V’Ahavta (immediately following the Sh’ma Yisrael).

• Following the service, the B’Mitzvah is invited to join the Rabbi and Cantor in leading the congregation in the Kiddush and Motzi.

Shabbat Morning Service Responsibilities

• B'Mitzvah leads the Shabbat Morning Service in English and Hebrew alongside the rabbis and cantor.

• The B'Mitzvah gives a D'var Torah (Word of Torah) teaching about their assigned Torah portion.

• The B'Mitzvah chants from the Torah scroll and is formally called to the Torah for an Aliyah blessing.

• After chanting from the Torah, the B'Mitzvah chants a selection from the prophetic books or writings known as the Haftarah.

• Following Adon Olam, the B'Mitzvah leads the congregation in Kiddush and Motzi.

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